What Ever It Takes To Crack Open

I had a spiritual teacher once who I admired immensely.

For years, everything she personally said to me was like a gift from heaven, a spear of love, the perfect words for the moment. Her words to me, even simple words, would light me up like a Christmas tree.

At one point, I signed up to take a ten day retreat with her in Sedona. Starting with the first night she was Yery rough with me. Ignoring me, not giving my anything I wanted. Being so loving with everyone, but acting as if I did not exist. This was not an easy ten days to say the least.

Years later, I went up to her at a book signing, and asked her if she remembered how she was with me at the intensive. She replied with a beaming face: "Of course I do, honey". I then asked her why she was that way with me. She said, very matter of factly: "Oh, honey, whatever it takes to crack you open".

I am still pondering what she meant by that.

Today, I got more of a sense of that. After being on a roll for quite awhile now, today was very uncharacteristic of that. It was a long day of accumulating challenges. Everything that could go wrong did. I was even given an out-of-the-blue lecture about how my smile was not genuine by a very judgmental stranger at Whole Foods.

Around 7 PM, something quite amazing happened. I was suddenly in touch with a depth of feeling I have now experienced for a long time. As someone who likes looking like "I have it together", I did not have it together at all. I shed the first uncontrollable tears I have shed since my Mom's death in February. I was wild, strong emotions were surging in every direction. Rage. Anger. Grief. I saw all these events in my life that I have been minimizing. I felt this roar growing louder and louder in my being.

I was cracked open.

I had the thought: Perhaps all those bizarre events of the day were there to create the necessary pressure to have this important and timely opening.

I do not necessarily know that the universe works this way and, at the same time, I find this to be an intriguing possibility.

I saw, again, how breakdown can create breakthrough. "Whatever it takes" as my teacher-friend said.

Can suffering, even in its ugly messiness, actually be part of the efficiency of the cosmos?

Whatever it takes...

The Party Continues

Greetings,

This post is a follow up about a party that happened in the part of Here termed "Petaluma, Ca" and the part of Now termed "Last Saturday night". Further down in the post, I ask for input about what an ultimate party would look like for you. If you are moved to share your visions and wantings in the comments section, I would love that.



Dear Friends,

I woke up beaming the morning after Saturday's party and spent a chunk of time almost floating around in the backard garden. Everything was so alive! It was as if the bushes, the vegetables, the trees, the flowers, the bugs, the birds, and a rabbit, were still having a party!

While I was drinking this all in, I found myself asking: Hmmm, where are the humans? I was so clearly ready for more party with each of you. I was pondering how folks party in places like Bali or South America. They party for days, sometimes weeks. To my surprise, I found myself thinking: I would love to have a life with parties like that.

Somehow partying and celebrating feels so natural and fundamental to our humanity. It provides us with essential nutrients. It feeds and satisfies our deep tribal roots. We are able to vibe in with the big party of earth-life at its best, that big party which is going on all the time.

After awhile, Marien, (my sweetie) came outside and we did our usual extensive post party review, while a rabbit hopped around us. We looked at the previous night scene by scene as one would an incredible movie. We talked about the dances that were danced, the dynamics that unfolded. We talked about what worked amazingly well, and about what we might fine-tune for another time.

And, perhaps most importantly, we talked about what we would like to create next. Together we came to the same conclusion we always come to after every big party: Have more intimate smaller parties! The rest of this email is about my/our vision for this.

The deepest and most powerful part of Saturday night for me, by far, was the small circle exploration that emerged close to midnight. Seven of us focused our vast beingness and big hearts on just one topic and dived into it together. Each of us had a unique perspective, a unique flavor to add to the collective brew. As we were traveling together in one direction with one intention, I had the thought: “This exquisite synergy has the power to move mountains.”

Marien and I came up again with the idea of wanting to host smaller dinner parties around specific topics. We talked again about how fun and interesting it would be to invite different mixes of people at different times and watch the magic that would unfold.

I am sending this email to you, because I would love to have your amazing Presence at some of these events. Whether we spoke only briefly on Saturday night, or had a long conversation, I enjoyed our interface. I am feeling a lot of gratitude for the quality people in my life. I would love the opportunity to have more contact with you and savor your offering to the group.

As I see it, these dinner parties / wisdom circles are a total co-creation. I would like to hear from you about what topics, or non-topics, would feel most juicy and hot to you. What would you be most inclined to what to show up for? What pool would you just love to dive into? What focuses might fulfill a deep thirst in your being?

What inspiration would you like to sing from the roof tops? What do you want to be heard about? What internal research would you love to report on? What deep secret would you want to reveal with just the right folks? What art would you love to share? What laugh? What sorrow? What dream?

Would a totally silent party interest you? A party enacted in slow motion? A party where we only communicate with sounds and gibberish? A party where every communication is sung? A party were we move and dance as we speak? This one is high on my personal list. What experiment would you love to try out?

What would an ultimate party look like for you in this moment? What would you like to create if you really knew you were on your own holodeck? If you knew you could create anything you wanted? What way of sharing space would be most deeply satisfying for you?

Would you be interested in coming to a party that is focused on creating parties?

I would enjoy hearing from you in regards to these questions. There is infinite space for you to post in the comments section.

I feel like I have been dancing a dance as I’ve been writing this post. While this body has to be sitting still to hit the right computer keys, my Spirit has been soaring through regions of infinite possibility as I write.

I have enjoyed sharing my unique this moment’s dance with you. I look forward to watching and enjoying more of yours. Yes!

Much love,
Bruce

Here and Now

No matter what is going on, we are here right now.
No matter what we are thinking, we are here right now.

What is there to be sought or attained when there is only Here and Now?

Here and now may play at seeking, and yet all of our seeking is still here.
Here and now may make up a "later", and yet that "later" is still right now.

Here and now may make up an "over there" and yet this "over there" is still right here.

The little clock in the bottom right of my computer screen says 10:06 PM.
Where is this 10:06 PM? It is arriving here and now.

Living Our Arrival is living the reality that we have already arrived.

We have reached Here and Now. Here and Now contains everything so we have reached quite an amazing place. This is indeed a cause for endless celebration.

Every time is the time of our arrival. How is our arrival going to express itself now and now?

This blog is about the infinity of what can happen here and now. It is a home for the living of arrival. Welcome to you!